I wish Mother’s Day would just go away
I was bold this morning and posted on Facebook a wish for other mothers who lost their child a peaceful Mother’s Day. Many of my wonderful friends shared sweet comments and “likes” because of my post yet most do not understand the pain that surrounds Mother’s Day when you don’t have your child with you due to their untimely death. See, I lost my only child to suicide in 2005 so Mother’s Days have not been pleasant for me ever since.
I generally do pretty well most of the year and then this time of year rolls around starting with Mother’s Day. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a good mom. I allowed my son to end his life. Yes, I know I know! I didn’t have anything to do with his decision but I can still feel the pain. After Mother’s Day, comes graduations, then the heat of summer and then August 11th, the date Cameron died.
So it’s cyclinal. I was actually feeling pretty good this morning and was even gifted with a plant from my dog, Sheila but I didn’t give birth to her so it feels phoney. Now I have to continue the charade for Father’s Day for my husband. Yes, I know that I was/am a mother but the loss of a child is huge, as you can imagine.
A gift from Cameron
I do have one memory with my son on a Mother’s Day; Dan had taken Cameron out to purchase a rose bush me for Mother’s Day the day before. It had the most beautiful roses. They were pink and yellow. Cameron planted it for me on Mother’s Day. That bush was my pride and joy, just as he was. I still would like to find another rose bush like that one so it will remind me of Cameron each time I look at it.
At this writing, Mother’s Day is almost over for another year and I have made plans to see my mother tomorrow. Thanks for your sentiments but I still don’t like the day set aside for mothers.
So for my faithful readers, I share this photo of my son, Cameron, and I when he was a mere 3 years old.
Bless the mothers in the world for they know pain like no other!
A mother’s true love – her son.
Carolyn, mother of Cameron Stephenson
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