Bully Blog


November 28, 2010

It is sinful that kids are so terrified and ashamed of being the target of a bully (or multiple bullies) that they either live in fear or as some in recent months have done – end their lives.

I have been collecting articles, brochures, whatever I can find on bullying lately so I feel pretty well informed at this point. Let’s start with what bullying is. It is hurtful, intentional, and controlling behavior that is repeated over and over. It is a learned behavior, sometimes learned as young as two years old. It can be physical, non-physical (avoidance of a person) or cyber bullying via the internet, emails, etc.

Direct bullying means hitting, kicking, punching, or making threats and insulting a person. Indirect bullying can be excluding someone from a group or spreading rumors making this type more difficult to pinpoint and remedy. Boys are generally engaged more with direct bullying while girls tend toward indirect by spreading rumors or excluding someone new to their clique. But not always!

Cyber bullying, as the name implies, occurs online. Kids in chat rooms talk about someone and the word spreads. Or someone shares a photo of themselves in a compromising pose and that becomes viral being shared among friends and the entire school. Texting, blogs, web sites, digital video (i.e. YouTube) are all part of cyber bullying.

Who is the target? I think it’s more like, who isn’t at some point in their lifetime? Handicapped are, loners are, gays are, people who wear glasses are, smart kids are, slow kids are – see what I mean? If you’re a parent, be vigilant and don’t let your child become a victim of a bully. Everyone has the responsibility to keep their kids’ schools safe and a place they are not afraid to attend. Talk to your child for 15 minutes every day to learn what’s going on their world. That’s 15 minutes of undivided attention – your child will love you for it!

Perhaps your child is a bully. Here are some behaviors common with bullies: he or she likes to dominate others, likes to be in control, is a poor winner and poor loser, hides behaviors, blames others for his/her problems, displays uncontrollable anger, lacks empathy towards others. If this describes your child, don’t be alarmed if the school calls you and asks to speak to you about their behavior. There is help for everyone and your child will be a better person once they learn more appropriate behavior. Oftentimes bullies become abusive to future spouses and their own children. You sure don’t want that to happen to your child!

Exclusion is a common form of bullying and one that I can attest to receiving while in elementary school. I was the girl who wore glasses and was taller than everyone else, especially the boys. I remember the coldness of never being picked or invited to parties but I’ve always been resilient so I would get through the day and go home to my loving family. I also had great friends in the neighborhood even if my classmates ignored me.

We’ve heard and read about kids and teens suiciding after being a victim of a bully. But many people end their lives yearly and very few are due to bullying. A bullying incident may have precipitated or triggered the suicide but rarely that’s the only reason. If nothing else good comes out of a bully predicated death, then let it open the door for families to talk to each other in honesty about what is going on in their lives. Please learn to spend more time talking about these issues during your super busy lives. Try the 15 minutes a day initiative!

Contact Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for the “Take Action Against Bullying” brochure (www.samhsa.gov) – it’s a great resource.

http://pacerteensagainstbullying.org/ is another source for teens to see that they are not alone.

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