Not only am I a writer but a speaker on the topics of teen depression, drug abuse, suicide prevention and postvention. I’ve updated my speaker sheet so take a peek and see if it’s appealing. Contact me if you’d like to learn more about the save the teens presentation.
I enjoy sharing my story, sad as it is, and if it helps at least one parent stop and take notice of their teen, then I’ve done what I set out to do – save more teens.
I keep up to date on current drugs of choice, teen behavior, and suicide prevention by reading email notices from various organizations as well as local news. It’s hard for parents of children to keep up with all these topics. I remember my own hectic life while my son was alive and it took all I had to get myself to work, him to do his homework and still be a wife who cooked dinner. So there was no time to read reports on depressed teens.
I wish more parents would come and hear what I have to say but so many have the “my-kid-doesn’t-do-that” blinders on so they stay comfortably at home. I feel many are finding me via the save-the-teens website which is excellent. I have many of the signs of depression listed there and I’m available if they want to ask me questions (many do!).
If you know of an organization that could use my message to save some teens, please contact me (cczahnow@yahoo.com).
Don’t forget to look over my speaker sheet, print one out and share it with someone. Visit save-the-teens.com to learn more about teen depression.
Thanks for visiting!
May 29, 2012
I woke up this morning and told my son, Cameron, “Happy Birthday. I miss you. I love you and wish you were here so I could get a huge hug from you.” But this can only happen in my dreams now as Cameron ended his life on earth August 11, 2005. I’m not sad today because I still gave birth at 8:24 a.m. to a beautiful 9 pounds 2 ounces baby boy 25 years ago.
Cameron was born two weeks past his due date and three days after his dad’s birthday. We went to the hospital on Thursday, May 28th. I had been walking like crazy for the previous two weeks trying to urge this resistant baby to make his or her entrance into the world.
After I was checked into a room at the hospital, they said I had not progressed enough and wanted to send me home. I had determined that I did not want a June baby as there were plenty of those already in my family. So they gave me the option to induce labor. I promptly voted “YES!” to that option. I was more than ready to meet my baby!
Boy, things really moved along after labor was induced. My plan was to have my baby naturally but as I was having severe back pain, my mother encouraged me to take a muscle relaxer. (Mom worked in Labor and Delivery for many years so I trusted her advice.) I agreed reluctantly because I had hoped to bring my baby into the world drug-free.
After seven hours or so, it was finally time to deliver the baby. I did manage to bring my baby into the world without any additional medication though. I gave birth to my soon-to-be son without the help of an epidural (very commonplace these days). I had one small problem though – when it was time for me to push, I just wanted to sleep! I gave out of energy and my doctor used suction to help delivery Cameron.
When they told me I had a boy, I was surprised because my older sister and mother had convinced me I was going to have a girl. I asked, “Are you sure?” They were quite sure and I was as well when they put him on my chest to admire.
After I confirmed that I did indeed have a baby boy J.C., my husband, cut the umbilical cord and gave his son his first bath. That was quite a bonding moment and very touching.
Once my baby boy was in my room, I immediately fell in love with him. I was somewhat terrified though as I didn’t know how to pick him up. I suppose some mothers have that innate ability but I didn’t. I had to learn quickly though as my husband had a “gig” to play at the beach that night and had to leave that same day. J.C. was a musician and felt he must go play or else he would have the cause for many people to not get paid which I understood. So off he went.
J.C. returned the next day in time to take Cameron and I home. We arrived back at our apartment behind Crabtree Valley and I was lost as to what to do next. Shouldn’t the hospital give you a book of how to take of your newborn baby?
My mother would have been there helping but she had a prearranged trip to go white water rafting with a group and carried on with her plans. (Boy, this is all sounding really bizarre as I remember all the facts!) But we settled down as a little family and survived our first few days alone without any additional help.
Even though I lost Cameron far earlier than a mother should have, I still cherish giving birth to him and the 18 years we shared together.
Happy birthday Cameron today and forever.
Till we meet again,
Love,
Mom
I was bold this morning and posted on Facebook a wish for other mothers who lost their child a peaceful Mother’s Day. Many of my wonderful friends shared sweet comments and “likes” because of my post yet most do not understand the pain that surrounds Mother’s Day when you don’t have your child with you due to their untimely death. See, I lost my only child to suicide in 2005 so Mother’s Days have not been pleasant for me ever since.
I generally do pretty well most of the year and then this time of year rolls around starting with Mother’s Day. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a good mom. I allowed my son to end his life. Yes, I know I know! I didn’t have anything to do with his decision but I can still feel the pain. After Mother’s Day, comes graduations, then the heat of summer and then August 11th, the date Cameron died.
So it’s cyclinal. I was actually feeling pretty good this morning and was even gifted with a plant from my dog, Sheila but I didn’t give birth to her so it feels phoney. Now I have to continue the charade for Father’s Day for my husband. Yes, I know that I was/am a mother but the loss of a child is huge, as you can imagine.
A gift from Cameron
I do have one memory with my son on a Mother’s Day; Dan had taken Cameron out to purchase a rose bush me for Mother’s Day the day before. It had the most beautiful roses. They were pink and yellow. Cameron planted it for me on Mother’s Day. That bush was my pride and joy, just as he was. I still would like to find another rose bush like that one so it will remind me of Cameron each time I look at it.
At this writing, Mother’s Day is almost over for another year and I have made plans to see my mother tomorrow. Thanks for your sentiments but I still don’t like the day set aside for mothers.
So for my faithful readers, I share this photo of my son, Cameron, and I when he was a mere 3 years old.
Bless the mothers in the world for they know pain like no other!
A mother’s true love – her son.
Carolyn, mother of Cameron Stephenson
Let’s stop Mental Illness Stigma!
In the book “A First Rate Madness” Nassir Ghaemi explores mental health and mental illness. Ghaemi evaluates the psyches of Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln and Gandhi. I did not realize all these leaders had a mental illness. You’re surprised, too?
Ghaemi explains how their depression or bipolar disorder actually allowed them to be leaders in the finest sense. It seems that it’s actually okay to have a touch of depression in your life. It makes you realize your own humanity, if you will. You are able to look inside yourself for the truths that you hold about life and other important matters.
Ghaemi also writes about the stigma that continues to be attached to mental illness. He gives credit to former Congressman Patrick Kennedy, who has stated he had bipolar disorder and depression, to bringing mental illnesses to the forefront in Washington. Kennedy fought for, and won, parity which is the requirement that mental ailments – including addiction – must be covered by insurance companies, along with other illnesses.
Unfortunately, the stigma still exists today. Families and individuals who have insurance which covers mental illnesses still do not pursue mental health well being. There is nothing wrong with making an appointment with a therapist to discuss issues that may be bogging you down.
In closing, do not fear depression or other mental illnesses! There is excellent help available now. Don’t suffer alone. If you’re not sure what to do, contact me, your family doctor (any doctor for that matter) or minister. We can help you find a “new normal.”
Personal experiences and stories are welcome!
Carolyn
Resources to consider:
www.NAMI.org
www.samhsa.gov
www.save-the-teens.com
www.nmha.org
Cameron Stephenson memories saved forever
Tomorrow I start on a personal writer’s retreat as I continue writing my second book. This one will be a memoir based on the last three years of son’s life. I will dig deep into my memories to piece together what happened from the time his dad died until my son’s suicide. A three span. Naturally I’ll reflect back on the years leading up the three years of depression and drug abuse.
Yes, he suicided. And could I have prevented that somehow? I don’t think so because I know in my heart I did everything I knew to help him, through the grief of losing his father (my ex) and subsequent depression. And when he was abusing drugs, I did what I was advised to do; drug rehabilitation.
I feel this book will be my testament to the world to prove just that – I did everything I knew to do to keep my only child alive. There are naysayers out there who actually think I didn’t do anything, that it was my fault or that I didn’t care enough. Can you imagine how that hurts me? I loved my son with every fiber in my body. How could I not have tried to help him?
At any rate, I will be toting records of all sorts to my get away. I love the research involved in writing a book but this type of research will be different as you can imagine. Medical records, calendars, school records, police reports, my son’s blog posts, and my journals.
I’ll keep you posted on my journey. Sharing it with my blog post readers will make it happen!
Carolyn
Cameron’s mom
Can we please talk about suicide? No, you don’t want to? You don’t mind talking about cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer’s disease, right? But mental illness is a no-no? Do you think not talking about it will make this epidemic go away? That just makes it worse, so let’s talk.
Suicide has been called the elephant in the room because it’s too big to ignore but no one wants to talk about it.
Can we please talk about suicide? No, you don’t want to? You don’t mind talking about cancer, heart disease, or Alzheimer’s disease, right? But mental illness is a no-no? Do you think not talking about it will make this epidemic go away? That just makes it worse, so let’s talk.
Suicide has been called the elephant in the room because it’s too big to ignore but no one wants to talk about it. Suicide is hard for people to understand. They often blame the person who died for being thoughtless because surely had they remembered their family members, they would not have killed themselves. They are not considering that this depressed person must have been very much so in order to end his or her life. Most people who suicide suffer from some form of mental illness. You may not realize it because they are often able to hide it from everyone.
Also when they decide that suicide is their only option to end their pain, they are not thinking about how others will feel once they are dead. Their goal is to end their torment, not to give you pain. So don’t be heartless and say “how could he/she do that to their family?” because their family was not on their mind at that moment.
Or some people will marvel at the fact that he or she was so happy just before they died. Yes, because they had decided how to overcome their depression – by ending their life.
Naturally, those of us left behind wonder what or how we could have prevented the death but in reality, you can’t save everyone. Of course there are some folks who believe you can save everyone if caught early enough. Perhaps but I’m afraid suicide will continue to be with us for the remainder of time. Suicide has been around since man has been on earth. Maybe after scientists find a cure for cancer, they’ll find one for mental illness as well.
Suicide attempts far outnumber actual suicides but attempts are the warning sign that should be heeded the most. I’ve heard too often of people who are released from a mental facility after attempting suicide, to only get home and then suicide. It’s impossible to watch someone 24/7 to keep them safe.
We took all precautions to keep our son alive by removing or hiding all guns, medications and alcohol but we didn’t think of a rope as another mode of suicide. (Cameron hung himself at the age of 18.)
Thanks for listening to a topic you didn’t want to hear about: suicide. I live it with it daily.
If you are ever feeling suicidal, call 1-800-273-HELP.
Not sure what February 14th means to you each year but for me it’s just a smidge better than other days. Sure, my husband and I exchange cards (and our dog gives me one, too!) and we generally try to give each other something useful that we’d like. This year my husband bought me a chrome license plate frame as the car dealership threw away the one that was on my car when I traded it in. We do NOT provide free advertising for car dealerships with their free plate holders and their name splayed all over the end of the car (all of that is removed!). And I requested tulips instead of roses – they are so pretty. My husband picked out purple tulips because he knows I love purple. He also gave me a huge bouquet of mixed flowers. So I feel loved.
Yes, I gave my husband a gift as well – a stuffed teacup pig in a teacup! It’s really cute. I found it in Target one day while walking through the toy aisles hunting for items for my new kids support group. You have to understand – my husband would own a pig if I let him! I also ordered a CD that he wanted (George Strait mind you!) but that will arrive on Thursday. Oh well – he knows how wrapped up I get in other things.
We won’t see each other until much later tonight as I have a speaking gig at the local Compassionate Friends group. I sure hope there are other folks out there who can break away from their Valentines to hear me share my story. If not, there will be another lesson learned – don’t speak on Valentine’s Day. I’ll be sharing my journey of grief which I don’t generally get asked to share. I always hope to help others with what I’ve experienced through life and loss.
So in closing, I wish you happiness on this Valentine’s Day.
xoxoxo
Carolyn Z
Saturday I was innocently watching a video (really a montage of photos with music) of my son and a roar of emotions poured over me halfway through. For those of you who don’t know my story, my 18-year old son, Cameron, ended is life in 2005.
I have watched this video many times since I created it last year for my team page for the Out of the Darkness walk, but it really got to me yesterday. I’m sure my present emotional state and being alone in the house had a lot to do with it, but still!
I was wise and just let the sobbing ensue. Fact is I rarely cry any more. I like to think that my acupuncturist is to blame for this. Actually, when I know a stressful period is up coming, I let him know and he handles it with properly placed needles.
So while the pain poured out of me, it surprised me. Right after I regained my composure, I videoed myself, while I was still raw, begging parents to get help for their teens. I haven’t decided whether to post it or not. I should do a cleaner version with the same message.
I have posted the montage of Cameron on the Save the Teens website. Feel free to watch, comment, and make one yourself if you’ve lost a teen too early – either by suicide, accident, overdose, or natural cause. There’s power and believability in numbers so I invite you to become a member of Save the Teens on the website.
Let’s ban together to save our teens from depression, drug abuse, alcoholism and early death!
And don’t fear your emotions, but if you find you’re in a depressed mood for longer than 2 weeks, please contact a mental health professional or medical doctor. You may be experiencing true depression.
And yes – today I’m fine!
www.save-the-teens.com
1960s teen and dad
So what else have I accomplished in a year besides not eating two packages of Girl Scout cookies? I managed to keep my job and marriage intact even though both annoyed me from time to time. I traded in my car which contained memories and emotions that were deeply connected with my son. I had shared my metallic blue Toyota Solara with my son so there were scratches from his belt and many other reminders. I have happily purchased a Ford Focus to start new memories.
I completed training for providing grief support to kids (yea!). I hope to help kids and teens learn to face grief they may be faced with instead of having it turn into depression which can turn into substance abuse and possibly suicide. (I offer these extremes as that’s what happened to my son after his dad died.)
I brought my big brother home to recover from the demons that have forced their hand on him for too many years. He doing great, I’m happy to report. I’m looking forward to many happy times with him now that he’s ensconced in North Carolina.
I still speak at various schools and other locales but am also being requested by parents to speak at their schools. Yet, I’ve had to “audition” at two schools. What’s that all about? I don’t charge a fee and my goal is to save teens!
The Wake Forest SOS support group is firmly established in Wake Forest now. Everyone who attends helps each other whether they know it or not. We all support each other on this lonely road of grief and loss by suicide.
Goals for 2012 include starting support groups for kids and teens, finish book #2 (mostly at a house on the beach!), enjoy my new car, and continue my goal of saving teens.
Hope you have some easily obtainable goals. Oh, and I should make another goal of blogging more often! Thanks for your support!
Comments are welcome and don’t forget to visit my two websites: www.save-the-teens and www.wakeforestsos.com.
The week after Christmas means time for me to catch up on the nominated movies that I have not yet seen. So on Christmas Day I started by seeing “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” which was filmed in Sweden for the most part. I had “read” the book (I listen to many books so forgive me for this habit but it works out well with my commute Monday through Friday) a year or so ago and really enjoyed the story. There are so many stories wrapped up within the main story that it keeps you guessing all along. I then watched the Swedish version with subtitles last year and enjoyed the scenery and the movie enormously. So it was almost a given that I would go see the American version.
“TGWTDT” is rated “R” for many reasons so don’t plan on taking your kids or even teens to this one. There is violence, sexual abuse, torture, and sex (but it was done well so there wasn’t much squirming in your seat. Yet there was some for the sexual abuse – both scenes. See what I mean about ‘don’t bring your kids?’) The story moves quickly about three quarters of the way through, so don’t plan on going out to smoke, pee, or make a phone call or you’ll lose pieces of the puzzle. Highly recommended for its storyline and watching Daniel Craig (nice abs!).
The next night we watched “Midnight in Paris” at home. This is a Woody Allen film which I was able to get from Netflix. This was very Woody in that there was lots of dialogue. The premise was very interesting in that Owen Wilson was a writer who “visited” many great artists from the Twenties (1920’s) at midnight. It was fun to see Melville, the Fitzgeralds, and others portrayed. Unfortunately, I kept dozing off. The drawback to watching movies at home in the winter for me! It was a fun film but not sure if it is worthy of any awards – but what do I know?
Next I was off to Paris again! This time to see “Hugo” which was wonderful! The actor, Asa Butterfield, had the most beautiful blue eyes I had seen in a very long time. Once again the story had several intertwined to keep you interested. That must be the key to great filmmaking. Funny, during a couple of scenes I thought one of the actors who was playing a bass in a café looked a lot like Johnny Depp but he had no spoken lines, so I thought I was just dreaming. But watching the credits at the end, I saw that Mr. Depp was the producer so no doubt it was him!
So as you have probably not heard of this movie (I had not until my sister told me about it) I’ll give you a brief synopsis. In Paris during the 1940s, a young boy was recently orphaned and lived in the clock tower in the train station. He befriends a young girl and her uncle and the story unfolds from there. It features Sacha Baron Cohen as the station inspector with a Doberman Pinscher out to capture all “criminals” (namely orphans) and send them to the orphanage. Our hero, Hugo escapes him most of the movie but does finally get captured. Hugo quickly escapes though shortly after his capture. It was a captivating film and highly recommended.
Next I’m off to Hawaii to watch George Clooney in “The Descendants.” The main focus was his wife was in a coma due to a boating accident. George has two daughters (ages 10 and 17) who he must reconnect with if he wants his family to exist once his wife dies. The outstanding part in this film to me was when the older daughter’s boyfriend, who was allowed to hang around during the entire story, had a heart-to-heart with George one night and shared that he and the girl didn’t talk about their feelings but rather they just did things that were fun together. He then shared that his father had died a few months before. It was eye opening to me as I want to help teens and kids with their grief this coming year. Great movie – go see it! And you will probably leave a tear or two behind as well as laugh. Don’t you love movies that play on all your emotions? I do!
I still need to see “War Horse” and will before the Golden Globes, count on it! And no, I won’t be going to see “Mission Impossible 3” or “Sherlock Holmes 2” in the theaters. Those I can get from Netflix for my husband to watch. (Men just love to see things blown up or guns being shot!)
Happy New Year and good riddance to 2011!
Links:
http://www.hugomovie.com/#home
http://www.dragontattoo.com/site/
http://www.sonyclassics.com/midnightinparis/home.html
http://www.foxsearchlight.com/thedescendants/
